Better to never ask why?
by Sarahloulabellx
Summary: She needs something to fight for and its when she needs it the most she realises she doesn't just have one something but infact three.


_Okay this came from something my grandma said that has been bouncing around in my head for the past couple of days, so this was born Its just a quick oneshot and you can decide how it ends haha. _

_Italics are flashbacks just so you know._

_Hope this is okay and thank you all for the support with my other NT fic I will update that asap. _

_Disclaimer I own nothing..._

_Enjoy!_

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'Come on Sandra, don't you dare close your eyes' she muttered to herself. She was determined not to give up.

As she lay on the cold concrete floor she tried to remember any of the first aid she had been taught but her mind was growing fuzzy and her hands were becoming numb but she could still feel the blood, her blood.

Although her mind was fuzzy she could clearly picture memories, times spent with her boys. One argument with Gerry in particular came back to her making her laugh at the cruel irony.

'_Jesus Gerry are you trying to get yourself Killed!' she screamed as he came out of the burning building. _

'_Huh that's rich Guv' he replied quickly. _

'_What the hell are you talking about I've never done anything that reckless' _

'_How about hiring 3 OAP's as your backup' he questioned_

'_What the hell do you mean?' raising her voice once again. _

'_What happens when a suspects does a runner you will go after him and we follow, not being funny but we cant keep up with you.' _

_His logic seemed to sound ridiculos to Sandra who burst into laughter 'I think I can hhandle myself Gerry' _

'_Huh I didn't say that' _

'_Yeah well that's what you meant, don't worry granddad I'll tackle him before he gets to far away for you' she laughed back shaking her head and walking away. _

In hindsight Gerry seemed pretty psychic now, it was how she had come to find herself in such a situation. They had gone to speak to a suspect who did a runner once learning who Sandra and Gerry were, she had immediately ran after him leaving Gerry lagging behind. Only about a mile down the road he hide in an alley and proced to jump out at her pulling her into the alley and removing a small pocket knife from his pocket.

Even being a trained officer Sandra froze; the biggest mistake of her life. He jumped forward plunging the knife into her stomach and proceeding to run off as Sandra dropped to her knees then found herself starring up at the clouds.

She could feel the energy slowly fading from her whole body but the pain in her stomach was beginning to increase, she refused to close her eyes though the fear being stronger than any pain. She didn't want to die and she feared that as soon as she closed her eyes she would never open them again.

She began to think about her father and whether he felt this fear when he was dying, she knew he had taken his own life but surely he must have been scared and in a way she admired him because it took bravery to do something as drastic as he had. Then she began to think about her mother she was brave to, she had once told Sandra although in a very abstract, cryptic way she never felt like her mother but like a carer someone who had to compete with her for her father's affections.

Her boys, they had all faced so many different moments when their bravery had been put to the test both in the job and in their own personal lives. Brian he fought everyday with the urge to drink, his obsessive behaviour and general social unawareness but he got up and went on with each and every day. Jack he lost Mary his soul mate if there ever was one and Gerry although he didn't show it as much as the other two Sandra knew his deepest fear was growing old, something she could quiet easily relate with.

Her whole body shuddered and right now she couldn't lie she was scared Sandra Pullman was absolutely bloody terrified.

But however terrified she was she was not going to close her eyes not without telling her boys how much she loved and admired them she needed to make sure they had the strength to go on something she wished now she had done a long time ago.

She would live, not for herself, not even for her mother. No she would live for the three men she classed as her family.


End file.
